Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Late Night Music 12/08/09

Tonight's kind of a big deal.

11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
This is the incredible side project from the already incredible Black Keys featuring Mos Def, the late ODB, Ludacris and Raekwon to name a few. I'm curious to see what this performance is going to consist of and who is going to appear. Obvious the Black Keys will be there and I'm guessing that it will be Mos Def and Jim Jones with them performing the song "Ain't Nothing Like You." I'm not usually wrong but I also wouldn't be surprised if I'm completely off about this one.

12:37am Fallon (NBC)
"Hey Brittni?"
"Yeah world?"
"I thought Jawbox was no longer a band."
"Yes, you're right. They broke up in '97."
"So what are they doing on Jimmy Fallon?"
Now I predict that in 2010 we'll all read some article about how Jawbox is writing a new album and planning a nationwide tour. But as of now this is all that's in the cards for this band who's been off the grid for well over a decade. This is a can't miss performance if you're at all into post-hardcore, especially the DC scene. I have no idea what they'll be playing but I know they are celebrating the re-release of their album For Your Own Special Sweetheart so possibly something off of that? We'll see!!!

Passion Pit
12:05am on Kimmel (ABC)
If you know me at all you know I'm a Passion Pit fan.  They're local heroes where I'm from and my friends and I try to support them any way we can. Now if you've ever read my blog you know I HATE the Jimmy Kimmel Live stage. Oh well, you can't win 'em all. This should be a pretty awesome performance. These guys are constantly evolving in the way that they perform live and I think they've finally found some footing and have gotten really comfortable with what they've got to offer. I mean why shouldn't they be comfortable? They've circled Europe about 16 times now so they're pretty much seasoned vets.
UPDATE: They'll be playing "The Reeling" and "Little Secrets" so... watch it! Spring It!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Late Night Music 12/07/09


50 Cent
12:37am on Fallon (NBC)

Donde ha sido usted? If you're like me, you've probably been wondering where Fiddy has been... His third album, Curtis, was completely lost on me. I didn't like it at all, the guest features were weak and unoriginal, I could go on. APPARENTLY his 4th album came out last month but... I guess I missed that one, too. His new album Before I Self Destruct did hit number 1 on the US Hip Hop charts but that's really no feat nowadays.  As far as I know his singles are getting little to no radio play but I'll be curious to see what the response is after this appearance.

Andrea Bocelli and the Muppets
10:00pm on Leno (NBC)
Now this is what I'm talking about! Good old Christmas fun... I assume. The amazing(ly rich) David Foster has a PBS holiday special out right now and one of the acts is Andrea Bocelli and the Muppets singing "Jingle Bells" together on a sleigh. Absolutely precious. I hope this is going to be a similar appearance. Otherwise I'll be crushed to tell the truth. If you don't know who Andrea Bocelli is... 3 words. Blind. Italian. Tenor. If you don't know who the Muppets are... well, I'll be mourning the loss of your childhood.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Late Night Music 12/04/09

What a wonderful evening in late night music!!

Taylor Swift
10:00pm on Leno (NBC)
OMG OMG OMG! Taytay!! Come on! She's a peach! I'm not going to spend to much time on this one because who doesn't know who Taylor Swift is? If you don't, check your pulse and get back to me. This appearance is sure to be charming as always.

Band of Skulls
12:05am on Kimmel (ABC)
Ah. Yet another wonderful band that is also featured on the New Moon soundtrack (see *Death Cab for Cutie). I haven't seen the movie yet but the soundtrack is awesome and I'm glad that a lot of the indie bands featured are getting some time in the spot light. Band of Skulls is a very new band with a pretty cool sound. And they're British, so they're infinitely cooler than you and I. Maybe they'll play the song "Friends" because it's the New Moon jam but who knows! Watch to find out.

12:37pm on Fallon (NBC)
Rerun from 11/10/09, Wale performed the song "Pretty Girls" with the Roots. Since I saw this performance I can't stop listening to this song. I hadn't heard of Wale before then but know I absolutely love him. He's definitely a rapper to check out if you're into that kind of thing. This performance is sick, too. Mostly because of the Roots...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Late Night Music 12/03/09

Don't forget to bookmark this site!

Honor Society
12:05 on Kimmel (ABC)
Do you miss boy bands? I KNOW! ME TOO! Don't worry your pretty little head because Honor Society is here to ease your pain. They're like Nsync and Backstreet boys except they play instruments and there's WAY less dancing. It's a tough trade off, I know, but give it a chance. Not sold just yet... Hmmm... AH! Do you like the Jonas Brothers?? I KNOW! ME TOO! Well they're like the JoBros except there's FOUR OF THEM!!! You can't beat that math.
Seriously though, that's all I got. It's a pretty hard sell.

10:00pm on Leno (NBC)
R&B is not dead. It's been living in the soulful heart of Maxwell since 1996 when it disappeared. He's been keeping it pretty safe since then and he's ready to let it out. Wow, I should be a publicist... Anyway, Maxwell's been on a hiatus for a few years now but he's back with his 4th album BLACKsummers'night (???). If you're looking for some love making music, here it is.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Late Night Music 12/02/09

Reruns, reruns, reruns. Boo.

The Cribs
11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
This was there second appearance on Letterman and it's pretty good. There a standard rock band from England. If you haven't heard of them, that's alright. You're probably not from the UK. But you've also got a lot of catching up to do. I prefer their newer stuff so I recommend checking out the album Ignore the Ignorant. Here's the video of them playing "We Share the Same Skies" on Letterman. Catch it again tonight if you're so inclined!

12:37pm on Fallon (NBC)
This is a relatively new band. They've only released one album, I Blame You, and the reviews are fairly average. I don't really enjoy it but they're fun to watch. They play the song "Fake Kinkade" which isn't my favorite from the album but what do I care? These guys are taking a very organic approach to the music business so if you like you what you hear definitely support them!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Late Night Music 12/01/09 It's December! National Penguin Month!

I'm not actually sure if it's National Penguin Month. It should be.

The Swell Season
12:35pm on Ferguson (CBS)
Okay people. All aboard. This is the last call to jump on the "Marketa Irglova/Glen Hansard" train. For those of you who have been on this train with me for a while, I dedicate this post to you. For those who need some catching up... allow me to explain. Glen Hansard is the singer of the band The Frames. He is in a movie with Marketa called Once about two musicians who stumble upon each other and write/record an amazing album. The two wrote all the music in real life. Some of the tracks are featured on The Frames album The Cost but  Glen and Marketa also released their own album with those tracks under the band name The Swell Season (the album is self-titled). So. The Swell Season has recently released a new album called Strict Joy and it is incredible. The End. 
Watch this video of one of my favorite bands scheming with one of my favorite actors.

The Avett Brothers
12:35 on Fallon (NBC)
Rerun from 11/18/09
These guys have been flying under the radar for a while now. I'm glad their finally getting their foot in the spotlight. They played the song "Slight Figure of Speech" from their newest album I and Love and You, their first album after being signed to a major label. It was produced by Rick Rubin which is... pretty good. Anyway... if you don't know of these guys check 'em out. I remember quite clearly that I really didn't enjoy their performance but it's probably only because I've seen the actual music video for it and... well... it's awesome. Watch it here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCyot1DWs48 (sorry I can't embed it...)

Monday, November 30, 2009

Late Night Music 11/30/09

A couple of reruns and a musical theater act. Yup.

11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
Rerun from 10/29/09
Yeah they're still cranking out albums that exactly half of their fans will kind of like. Promoting their new album Raditude, Weezer plays the incredibly infectious tune "(If You're Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To." I actually really dig this performance because they play with the entire Late Show band, horns and all. It sounds pretty decent. If you don't want to stay up to watch it you can check it out here.

The Cast of Mary Poppins
11:35pm on Conan (NBC)
Why wouldn't you watch this. Put your pride aside and embrace your secret love for broadway show tunes. I haven't seen the stage version of this but I hear it's pretty good. Mary Poppins is one of my favorite movies (it's right up there with Full Metal Jacket and Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and I've never met anyone who had something bad to say about it. While we're on the subject, listen to this song. It's amazing. I would suggest not actually watching the video because it just takes away from the song itself.

Death Cab for Cutie
12:05 on Kimmel (ABC)
Death Cab performs "Meet Me on the Equinox" from... wait... really... from... the New Moon Soundtrack? Really?! Oh... okay. Well. That's just fine. That's.... no. NO! I'm sorry but am I expected to believe that Ben Gibbard sat down at his house, watched exclusive scenes from the movie and was inspired to write this song? This pretty good song? This song that I really kind of love? Damn. The Twilight Saga owns me. Once again. Here's the video if you don't want to watch Jimmy Kimmel (because who really wants to watch ABC late night?).

Saturday, November 28, 2009

This time it's real (like the tower of power song)

Okay so I've said this before. But this blog is going to be updated daily starting Monday Nov 30th. For real this time. I have a debt to pay to society. So there.

Check back Nov 30th! Weezer, Mary Poppins and Death Cab for Cutie posts. How can you miss out on that?


Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Late Night Music 09/09/09

wow 09/09/09 wow

Only one thing matters today. and that is...

11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
If anyone would like to ever get in a fist fight with me I can give you one sure-fire way to make it happen. Tell me that American Gangster is a bad album. I can't promise I'll win the physical fight, but you'll be hurting. Hospital hurting.

With that said, there is no way Blueprint 3 is going to disappoint me. And it's pretty easy to lose my vote when it comes to hip-hop. "D.O.A" is a great song, although it took some time for me to get accustomed to it. "Run This Town" is obviously an instant hit because Rihanna can do no wrong and even with Kayne's shitty shitty shitty verse it still has pop appeal.

I won't know for sure whether this album is great or not until I hear the whole thing in high quality, but on paper (Drake, Kid Cudi, Justice samples, Pharrel etc.), it's kind of blowing me away.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Late Night Music 9/8/09

Weak night! Absolutely revolting, personally.

John Fogerty
12:35pm on Fallon (NBC)
Do people still... like John Fogerty? I guess CCR was great and everything but... it's 2009. Time to move on I say. So for the people I just personally offended... CHECK HIM OUT ON FALLON! Woo. I mean, I assume he's performing. But if you're a true fan you won't care either way. And for those of you on the fence, let me show you the cover art for his "new" album.

Yup. Chew on that.

The Cure
1:35am on Last Call with Carson Daly (NBC)
Originally aired on 6/4/09. HELLOOOOOO people. It's The Cure. This is the band that all those emo-punk rip-offs from nowadays wish they could kind of, sort of sound like. Show some respect.

Late Night Music 9/7/09 LABOR DAY!

It's Labor Day so everything I'm posting right now is a repeat... oh well, you'll forgive me.

In case you missed it...

Eric Hutchinson
11:35pm on Conan (NBC)
Originally aired on 7/24/09.
Aww, Eric Hutchinson. He's so adorable and unassuming. This guy's actually been at it for a while now and it's only recently that he's gotten the credit that he deserves. Sounds Like This is Hutchinson's 3rd album and has been doing pretty well on the charts. Pretty well for bouncy, happy, folky, poppy, rock.

Jimmy Buffet
12:35pm on Fallon (NBC)
Yeah. I'm not even touching this one.

Spring It!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

No but really. I'm back.

Summer's over, enough fucking around.

I'm gonna do this dance again.

Friday, May 22, 2009


This is just a formal apology to all 11 of you who read this blog.

I did not post today. I indulged on a day of beach and seafood dining.

Because of this, you wonderful people of the interweb were not informed of...
With a fake plant scenery and saxophones and other world wonders I can't even speak of.

I'm watching it at this very moment and it is truly a special moment.

So again, I apologize.

The video will be posted here as soon as possible. I at least owe you that.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

5/20/09 Late Night Musak


Grizzly Bear
11:30pm on Letterman (CBC)
I am a fan. Grizzly Bear is friendly Indie-Rock with some of the cleanest, purist vocals I've heard in a while (reminiscent of old-school INXS [which I'm a sucker for]). Their third studio album, Veckatimest is out next week and it's already received crazy-good reviews.

Here's a video from the last time they played on Letterman, promoting the EP, Friend.

Mandy Moore
11:34pm on Leno (NBC)
I'm not going to bullshit you. When I think of Mandy Moore I start singing the song "Candy" from 1999 (which has been stuck in my head for the past 4 days, ever since I saw she was performing on Leno this week). Her new album, Amanda Leigh, is out next week and judging by the title she's really grown up... or something. I'm sure her sound has matured since her "Candy" days but I really haven't heard anything from her since then. So if you're curious... check her out tonight.

No Doubt
12:05 on Kimmel (ABC)
COME ON! It's No Doubt! Not Gwen... No Doubt! New album in the near/distant future and tour this summer! I'm pumped! Clearly...

The Airborne Toxic Event
1:36 on Daly (NBC)
This band/album was my spot this winter! "Sometime Around Midnight" was on absolutely every playlist I created. I'll definitely be checking this performance out although I'm not a fan of the Last Call with Carson Daly stage... way to big and flashy for my taste. I'm thinking they'll play "Happiness is Overrated" but I've been wrong in the past. ATE is an awesome live band and worth checking out.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Late Night Music 5/19/09 Nuttin Special


Blink 182
11:34pm on Leno (NBC)
If you missed them last night, no fear. Blink 182 will be performing again on Leno.

Iron & Wine
12:37pm on Fallon (NBC)
Iron & Wine aka Samuel Beam is probably some of my favorite folky rock music this side of the Mississippi. Most know him best for his deconstructed version of Postal Service's "Such Great Heights" but he's sitting pretty on about five albums and few more EPs. Around the Well was released today which is an entire 2-disc album of "b-sides and rarities." Expect to hear one of those ditties tonight.

1:36am on Daly (NBC)
Meh. Keane. They released their 3rd album last year and just finished up a tour in March. I have no idea what they're doing on Carson and I don't really care. Don't get me wrong, "Somewhere Only We Know" is and always will be my jam, but I can only stand so much banging on a piano. But regardless, check 'em out if you care more than I do. Don't say I never did anything nice for you, Keane.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Late Night Music 5/18/09


Blink 182
11:34pm on Leno (NBC)
Need I say more? They're back together. Period. It's going to be amazing. Period.
They're also going to be on tour with Fall Out Boy and Weezer (who knows who'll be tacked on as supporting acts...). These boys know how to produce an effective comeback.

White Rabbits
11:30pm on Letterman (CBC)
Indie band, indie name. Pretty typical American Indie dance-rock. They'll remind of you The Walkmen and possible Franz Ferdinand. The band's sophomore album is out tomorrow (It's Frightening) and this will be they're second appearance on Letterman. White Rabbits is an extremely solid live band so check out this performance if you like their sound.

Here's the video from their last visit to Letterman performing "The Plot."

Method Man & Redman
12:37 on Fallon (NBC)
I think they should just collectively change they're name to Joined-at-the-Hip. They act together, they rap together, they probably share the same wife. Honestly, I'm not interested enough to research what they're promoting tonight but I'm guessing it's either 2 things. They've got an album coming out or High How 2 is in post-production.

Okay, I gave in. The two of them are releasing their second collaborative album Blackout! 2. You gotta give me credit. My guesses were eerily close.

That's it for tonight. Link this blog please!!!


Friday, May 15, 2009

Guess Who's Back

Yup, it's me. School is pretty much over for the semester so I'm breathing life back into this blog starting NEXT WEEK!!! Late night schedules are looking pretty good right now so check back daily to see what to watch!

Do me a favor and tell your friends about this blog and link it wherever you can!


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Chester French on Jimmy Fallon

I'm absolutely puzzled. As if I weren't distracted enough trying to do my homework... Chester French is performing on Jimmy Fallon. My first thought, without looking at my television, is "this song really sucks. I seriously hope this isn't what the kids are into these days." My second thought is "this person cannot sing. At all." And then, I look at the screen.

My best description is this...

A group of college kids go out to a bar. There is karaoke in the corner. Chester French is a shy red-headed lad who is just psyched to even be invited out with this group of people. Too bad he doesn't drink (with an alcoholic father he feels he needs to commit to sober living) or else he'd be having a better time. Oh wait! Some drunk jock has convinced Chester that all the cool kids get up and do karaoke! With a tamborine in hand young Chessy breaks out of his shell and belts out a hollow dance ballad straight outta 1983.

Don't believe me? It'll be on Hulu in the morning. Make your own judgments.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thursday and Friday

I'm going to be at a conference all week so I can't really do a real post.

What I can tell you is that Prince will be on Leno tonight and tomorrow. That's all you need to know anyway.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Sounds of Late Night 3/25/09


All American Rejects
12:35pm on Fallon (NBC)
I'm not going to bullshit anyone right now. I like this band. The song "Gives You Hell" is a hit and I don't care what any of you music snobs say. I'm gonna watch this and it's not just because I enjoy Jimmy Fallon's hosting abilities.
They might be playing "I Wanna" the first song off of When the World Comes Down. It was recently released as the followup single to "Gives You Hell" but honestly it doesn't matter to me. Tyson Ritter is just so dreamy.

Ra Ra Riot
12:35pm on Ferguson (CBS)
You want to see a good live show? Check out Ra Ra Riot. They haven't been around for too long but they've found their place in the college music world. It's pretty much basic indie tracks and vocals with the addition of lovely ladies playing violin and cello. I have not one clue on what they're going to play. Let's see if Craig Ferguson can stop talking about himself for long enough so they can actually go on.

11:35 on Leno (NBC)
Yes. Prince and Leno together again at last. If you don't already know, Prince has been slowly releasing tracks online since the start of this year. It was all leading up to the release of LOtUSFLOW3R (yes, with a 3) his 25th studio album. But wait! You want more Prince!? Don't you worry. He's going to release a 2nd album called MPLSoUND. As if that weren't enough he's planning to be on Leno for 3 nights in a row to promote this explosion of releases. 
I don't recommend watching every night. I actually advise against it. Please don't get me wrong, Prince is an incredible musician, but I can only take so much in-your-face promotion.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

British Invasion Part Deux 3/24/09

The lineups are pretty dismal tonight. This is the only one I'm interested in. You should be too.

White Lies
11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
This band is definitely a throwback to all those who came before them. If you haven't heard them before I suggest you check them out at least once. Their sound is familiar without being too cliche. I'm curious to see what their live show is like. I'm thinking they'll play "Farewell to the Fairground" which is only a safe bet because it's their latest single as of today. It's kind of dancey, kind of rocky, kind of... meh. I'm going to end by saying White Lies is definitely listenable, if not reminiscent of... a lot of established British bands.

Late Night Delights 3/23/09

It's Brittni's British Invasion Night picks. Enjoy!

Bloc Party
11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
These guys recently played the House of Blues in Boston and I heard the show was incredible. They'll probably be playing something from their 3rd album Intimacy which was released in 2008. This album has definitely not yet seen the success of A Weekend in the City, their 2nd album that did better in both the US and their native UK on the charts. I'm going to predict that they'll play "One Month Off" (my favorite from the album and my pick to help launch this album into better sales). Speaking of which check out the video to this song, it's... interesting. While you're at it look up some of the remixes, there are some decent ones out there.

12:35am on Jimmy Fallon (NBC)
Don't hold your breath for a Smiths reunion. Just enjoy these last couple years of Morrissey. That's all I'm going to say.


Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Okay. I'll admit. I'm kind of late. Please feel free to blame me if you missed something on late night in the past month. I'm actually going to start doing this dance now. Maybe I'm saying this because I'm on spring break and have nothing else to do. Maybe I'm being genuine. It's hard to tell.

WEDNESDAY MARCH 18!!!!!! (AKA National Hangover Day)
The times I'm posting are the start times of the shows. I have absolutely no idea when the bands will play. You can't expect me to do all the work.

Modest Mouse
11:30pm on Letterman (CBS)
Definitely worth watching if you ask me. They're releasing an EP of b-sides from Good News... and We Were Dead... but it's not expected until late summer. I'm kind of curious as to what they're promoting...
12:05am on Kimmel (ABC)
Now I'm not particularly interested in this one but I hear it's what the kiddies are into these days. Just your basic electro house music. Two dj's join forces to do what they do best. Their second album Fist of God was released earlier today and I'm guessing they'll be playing the single "Bounce" although I could be wrong. The only thing that will make this interesting for me is to see them mix live. Personally, I can only appreciate MSTRKRFT with a drink in my hand and at least 3 strobe lights in the room.

Vampire Weekend
12:35am on Jimmy Fallon (NBC)
Okay, break out the African drums. Do I even have to pitch this one? Just when I thought Vampire Weekend was on the way down they snag a spot on Fallon. I'm not really surprised because the first few weeks of the show have been all of his favorites. Again, I'm not positive on what they're promoting especially since their first album has been out for a while now but I suppose since MTV milked them dry over the summer it's time for them to break out into something new.

So those are my picks. If these performances suck don't come crying to me.

Maybe I'll write a followup post and review the shows. But seriously. It's me. So don't hold your breath.


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I'm not the rudest person around. But I'm up there.

I might invest some time in this idea. Basically what I want to do is create a series of cards, about the size of a business card and written on them will be rules for various situations. I'm talking off the cuff right now but hear me out.
Now lets say you're about to sit down and watch a movie with me... I hand you a small card and on it is a list of rules that you should probably follow if you respect our friendship.

e.g. "Hello friend. Thank you for accompanying me (in watching a movie). Here are a few things to keep in mind"
  1. Don't tell me the ending. Don't even allude to it.
  2. If something funny happens, don't repeat it or point it out. We're all watching the same thing and you are not in any way smarter for pointing it out.
  3. Don't ask what's going on. This is especially important if no one in the room has seen the movie. Just let us take the journey together. Movies usually reveal themselves by the end.
  4. Don't spend 4 scenes trying to figure out "where that guy is from." As strange as it sounds, actors usually have been in more than one movie. You can imdb it later. For now, spare us all.
This is just a sample of what I plan to do. I might put some more ideas on here for different situations. What I'm really worried about is people taking offense to this. I mean the act of me handing someone a set of rules before a particular activity. Kind of rude? But fuck it. I'm what you would call "important" and "hard to please."

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Late Night Music in January

So I've decided to post upcoming musical acts on network late night shows. (Leno, Conan, Letterman, Ferguson, etc.) It should be pretty convenient to have everything listed here so you don't miss some of your favorite bands.

We're already over halfway through the month of January which is one reason I'm going to start this in February. Another reason I'm not going to start now is because I've filtered through this month's guests and there's nothing too special to alert you to. Either that or all the episodes are reruns (most shows are taking a break for the inauguration week).

But don't fret! I promise to do this in February and update regularly.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Facts

I know everyone is curious. And I really mean that. I know everyone is. Some people are more curious than I am. So here it is. This is the story of Terminal E in Logan Airport.

Between the hours of 5:30 and 6:30pm I waited outside the International Arrivals door, nursing a cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee that I had no intention of drinking. I just needed something to hold on to. During this time I saw the most beautiful baby in the world, followed by the most ugly child in the world who would not stop chasing after a middle-aged woman riding a segway. There was a fancy driver guy holding a sign that said "Virgin" on one line and "Money" under it. Virgin Money. I don't know what this means but I asked him if I could take a picture of it and he said no. I saw one man come out of the doors and beeline towards me. He dropped his luggage pretty much at my feet and proceeded to take out every article of clothing inside. He put everything he had on him. And I mean everything. It was the most peculiar thing I have ever seen. He didn't acknowledge me at all either. He just zipped up his now empty suitcase and headed out the door. God bless him.

But enough about strangers. Or... more about a stranger I suppose.

When my father finally came through the arrival gates I held my breath. He was alone. No. Wait. He was not alone. There was a woman trailing slightly behind with her own cart of luggage. This must be her. I walked up to my dad and gave him a big hug. It's been a month since I've seen him but I couldn't help but cut the hug short. Where was that woman? It has to be her. She is clearly Sri Lankan and as she walked behind my father she seemed to know him. But the woman I saw was not near my father anymore. She was greeting someone else at the gate. As I realize this is not her my father says, "You won't believe it! My friend was on the same two flights as me the whole way! Isn't that funny?!"

Yes, dad. Extremely funny. Fifteen very "funny" seconds of my life passed by trying to figure out if this woman was my new stepmother. It was really a blast.

So my father said goodbye to this mystery woman (but not the mystery woman) and we headed out to my car. And now the truth comes out.
"So how was your trip?"
"Awesome, just great!"
"Lots of beach time?"
"Oh yeah, and a wedding."
"You know I got married right?"

We're suddenly in the car (I don't remember ever putting his luggage in the trunk) and I find myself looking at a wedding picture. Now, I can't really describe it but if you google "sri lankan wedding" or something along those lines you'll get the picture (Not literally but you know what I mean). It was a very happy looking couple. Except one of them was my father and the other, a stranger. It was such a strange feeling. My father had a wedding. His European friends who were on vacation were there. His family was there. I was not. So very strange.

After asking a few questions I learned these things.

She is not a widow. My brother just made that up, I guess. She has never been married and does not have any kids (until now... mwahahaha). She lives right outside Sri Lanka's capital, Colombo so unlike my father's family she isn't much of a farm girl. She teaches computer stuff to people. Like word processing and excel and shit. Here's the good one, she speaks English!! Yes. The language of kings! And from what I hear she speaks English well. What a plus!

She is also nice and funny and very anxious and excited to come to America. All very good things.

I will have to wait a while before I can meet her. She's got lots of paperwork to get approved. My dad thinks it'll be a couple of months or sooner.

I'm going to have my dad scan in the wedding photos so if you know my dad and will find the humor in them just let me know and I'll send them your way. They will not disappoint!


Today is the day...

When I will spend about 20 minutes driving in circles at Logan Airport and occasionally slowing down to look at the people standing under the Virgin Atlantic sign. One hopeful part of my brain will be looking for one person while another part, the more anxious and incredulous part, will be looking for two people.

One will, without a doubt, be my father.

Sam Liyanage has been in Sri Lanka for exactly one month, missing his birthday cake which I made him in spirit, Christmastime cheer which also never really existed, and the New Year which technically also happened on the other side of the globe... but I doubt he got to see the ghost of Dick Clark on HD television. In reality it was I who missed everything. I potentially missed meeting my new mom's family and greeting her in the place where she spent her entire life.

Now I'm going to back up here. One week before he left for Sri Lanka my father picked me up in Lowell where I go to school, took me to a store to buy me a fancy winter coat, and treated me to dinner at a much-too-classy Vietnamese restaurant. A smarter, more observant person would have suspected something. All I suspected was that it's about time I have a coat for the winter and that I could really go for some Vietnamese food.
As we sat eating our Pho Hoac Mi watching the Patriots play on 4 TVs my father turns to me and says (without any introduction or prep),
"So... I'm getting married."
And I say,
"You're kidding." (repeat about 67 times)
"No, I'm not kidding, why would I be kidding."
I laugh. A lot.
"To whom?" I ask. Not a crazy question considering my father is not currently dating anyone.
"A woman." Well that's a relief...
"Which woman? Am I suppose to guess???"
"She's in Sri Lanka. I'm getting an arranged marriage."
Well that's it. The dams of laughter break. I laugh into my napkin, giving me time to process what the hell he just said.
"Why are you laughing? That's how they do it in Sri Lanka." Apparently Match.com has not yet franchised there and they are still trading goats and spices for wives.
My one and only real question, "Is she coming here?"

That was pretty much the end of the conversation. We finished our dinner, the Patriots won, the check was paid, we ate our fortune cookies (which was curious because we were not at a chinese restaurant) and we left. The topic was never brought up again.

So I'm left with a few questions. (Some of which were answered by my older brother, Ben who had a slightly more involved discussion with our dad a week prior.)

Who is she? (I learn later that she is sort of a friend of the family. She is a widow. How tragic.)
How old is she? (According to Ben she is in her 40's or 50's. So which is it? 40's? 50's? That's a big age gap Benjamin. Get your facts together.)
Does she speak English? (??)
Does she speak a little, tiny bit of English? (????)
Does she have children? (She was married at one point so... probably, right?)
Does she even want to come to America? (This can't really be a dream vacation for her)
Won't she miss her family? Her country? I ask this because my father has been in the states for 30 years and still misses his family. I can only imagine what it will be like for her.

Then the big question. Is she really coming here? Is she really marrying my father? Is there not a chance that this whole thing does not work out? Or even funnier, that my dad really was kidding. And it's even more possible that she won't be flying in with my father but coming at some later date. And then what do I say? "Welcome back, Dad. So, where the fuck is she?"

I wish I made this whole thing up. I wish I could tell you that I need you to edit this chapter in a fictional book I'm writing about fucked up stories that would never actually happen to people.

Unfortunately, this is my life. Please laugh with me.

Monday, January 12, 2009

And so it begins.

Because although I speak without thinking, I more often think without speaking.

So here you are.